*Looking in the mirror*... Well hello Gideon, Simon Peter...

As I walk this journey and comb through scripture, learn and reflect on all that is being given to me; I have to sit in awe at how much man has not changed and yet God has stayed the same.

 In small group, we have been studying the Judges and the Judges God sent to Judge Israel's failure to obey and draw them back to Him. So we are on Gideon, in his coward stage. I find it humbling, but humorous how much I am like Gideon at times. God gave us such signs, numerous signs confirming that He wanted David and I not only to marry, but marry quicker than ANYONE expected. This reminds me of that scene in Sleepless in Seattle, when she is trying on her
Mother's wedding dress and the seam rips. Her response is,  "It's a sign." Her Mother responds,
 "You don't believe in signs."  I was always the same way, until I began to understand what these 'signs' are.
They aren't just something that is random, coming out of the left field. They are direct confirmations to questions you are asking. You can test the spirit... meaning, you check to see if it lines up with Scripture, does it cause you to Trust Him, grow your faith, draw nearer to Him, does it make sense to the world? If the worldly view says, "yeah, totally makes sense...feels great." I would question it... remember that scripture says in Isaiah 55:8 "'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,' declares the LORD." So if it sounds good, it probably isn't. If what you feel He is calling you to do will require, you to rely, trust and completely step out on faith... Good chance it's what He is wanting you to do... soooooo.... this brings me to Gideon! In Judges 6, it shows how God kept calling Gideon to do things. He would test God and then only do what he was comfortable with. Sheesh... it is like reading my story, well kinda... not so many sheep and oxen and bulls. What am I doing?

Then if you run over to Luke 22, Jesus is talking to Simon Peter and says... "  ³¹ “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. ³² But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” He was begging Simon to keep the faith in the trial he was about to face. Jesus knew what was coming and He went ahead and told him that Satan has to ask permission first to even test his faith, but then he says, "I have PRAYED FOR YOU." 
Our pastor is walking through Luke right now (man is it a walk! I am learning so much.) and Sunday, when he came to this passage, it was mind boggling. This whole verse means that 1st, He has faith that our faith is strong enough to withstand the test that Satan has requested to put you through and 2nd, that because He already knows what is coming, HE HAS PRAYED FOR YOU! Wow. What amazing love that is. He is praying for the strength of our faith so that we can encourage others that will face similar trials. 


It is amazing how God will remind you of these things as we are walking through trials. First on Monday, trials with the kids it reminded me of how much I am similar to Gideon and then today as we work through some scheduling stuff, that as frustrating it is that things are changing, not easy to compromise with others over... that He already knew we were going to walk this path AND He has already prayed. 


All of this came to me as I was venting, ok sobbing and venting, to my best friend. My family is my most valued, cherished asset. As we began this new journey of love, I knew something were going to be different and I would have to adjust. God has been preparing me and yes, we are only in October, but I am a planner. I need to be able to lay it all out so I can know what is to come and I can prepare. I'm glad that it is all out of the way now though so that we can enjoy the holidays when they actually arrive. God is so good!

  
Be encouraged my friends, He knows your name and you are so important that HE has prayed for you!

How does the world look through your Rose Colored Glasses...

Rose Colored Glasses…

Yes, we all wear a set of rose colored glasses.

These glasses are colored or tainted by our experiences in life. I was talking about this with my precious boy the other day. He was asking about the bad choices I had made in life. He asked if they were from my biological dad.

I have reached the conclusion that I can no longer protect him from a lot of truths. He is wise and so smart. He can access a situation and pin point something right away, not always, but a lot of the time.

So again, here is your transparency warning…

I took a deep breath and explained that yes, the situation with my biological dad began a round of lies that I began believing at an early age. He did not chose to be a Daddy to me, but he chose to be a ‘dad’ to two other children. The last time I saw him I was about 3 years old. Not sure when the last time I actually talked to him. My last contact with any of his family was when I was in 6^th grade. As a mother of children of this age, I cannot imagine who would walk away from a child, their child, like that.  This situation, it told me that I was worthless if my own father didn’t want me. That began a long line of lies that fed into how I viewed myself.

not enough for anyone   not worth loving                               not worth fighting for    not worth knowing

                not good enough                                               not smart                            

And the bad decisions I made along the way just backed up what I believed!                        Vicious Circle                   I then explained that all I wanted was to be wanted, chosen, cherished… I wanted to know that I was special. Isn’t that why we play princess and dress-up? We want to feel special. I wanted to be wanted by my biological father, but I didn’t understand that at the time, so I looked to the boys for that attention. I took it to heart when little girls were mean like little girls are. It fed the self hatred. I chose to date guys that didn’t see their worth so how I could they see mine? I didn’t love myself, so why should they? I saw that my life wasn’t what I wanted it to be and I wanted an adventure. I walked away from the path that God had me on, one of healing, and chased adventure…yes, it was an adventure…a heart breaking one that is still playing out, only this time… it’s my children’s hearts that are breaking. I thought God loved me the same way my father did and those guys did. So I ran.

Do I mourn… yes, I mourn the life God meant for me to have and the precious broken hearts of my children.

I am grateful for my God. This past November, He called me to him. He drew me, away from the lies and the people around me, close to him and whispered to me…”My child, I love you. I love you the way I designed you. You are precious and I am wrapping my arms around you, holding you. You are my chosen one. I am not Him and his ways are not mine. I am picking you up and carrying you to where I want you… hold my hand. Rest your head on my shoulder as I rock you and love on you. Let me heal your heart. “ I remember standing in the service, in the balcony, singing a hymn of praise that said, “ I want to sit at your feet, lean back against you and breathe and feel your heart beat.” As I sang that song, I leaned my head back, reached my arms in the air and reached for my Daddy. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I begged him to hold me, rescue me, love me. I saw Him, I felt Him. It was a breath taking feeling; one of rest and peace and comfort. I KNOW the story of the prodigal son… I am he.

At that moment, I began to hear and see so many things more clear. I could see people for who they were, I could see their hurt. Although I see things first through my rose colored glasses, God then shows me what I need to see so that I can make wise choices for me and my precious family.

I challenge you, my friends…

Take off your rose colored glasses, my friends, and put on the glasses of True Love.

Isaiah 29:16

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁶ You turn things upside down,
   as if the potter were thought to be like the clay!
Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it,
   “You did not make me”?
Can the pot say to the potter,
   “You know nothing”?

Isaiah 45:9

New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

 ⁹ How terrible it will be for anyone who argues with his Maker!
      He is like a broken piece of pottery lying on the ground.
   Does clay say to a potter,
      "What are you making?"
   Does a pot say,
      "You don't have any skill"?

Isaiah 64:8

New International Version (NIV)

 ⁸ Yet you, LORD, are our Father.
   We are the clay, you are the potter;
   we are all the work of your hand.

Jeremiah 18:4

New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

⁴ His hands were shaping a pot out of clay. But he saw that something was wrong with it. So he formed it into another pot. He shaped it in the way that seemed best to him.

Are you moldable, my friend?

What is keeping you?

I've been overwhelmed with a post that I've been called to write, but yesterday afternoon made me stop in my tracks and as I have been working through my morning, my heart has been so heavy ...

As I stood outside the elementary school, I saw one of the girls mom's standing there. I was in a conversation and was trying to pay attention to the person I was talking too, but this woman looked like she was waiting for me and like something was wrong. I mouthed to her, 'you ok?' And she nodded yes, but she was still standing there. As we finished our conversation, I stood there waiting. Giving her time to approach me. Things are racing through my head, 'did one of the kids do something wrong?', 'did I say something or do something that hurt her?' She finally, probably only seconds but it seemed like minutes passed, walked up to me and she had tears in her eyes. My heart automatically broke, 'What's wrong?'

See 3 weeks ago, she had opened her home to my middle daughter and our daughters played. While I was there during drop-off, pick-up, bring stuff, whatever it was...I invited she and her family to church with us. She stood there in tears because, she was embarrassed. The first weekend, not enough notice. The second weekend, she was ill. The third... she didn't have nice clothes or shoes to wear. She was afraid the people of the church wouldn't accept her because of it. As tears fell down her cheeks, she said "Wendi, I want to come so bad, but all I have is flip-flops and jeans." Tears fell down my cheeks and I said, "Sweet Friend, our Jesus loves you from the top of your head all the way to the tips of your toes...JUST as you are. Come as you are. I will wear comfy clothes on Sunday with flip flops so you won't feel out of place."

FRIENDS, it is not the clothes you wear or the good deeds you do that draws you near to His heart. It is your desire to be in his presence. Come just as you are with child like faith.

How will you remember?

Eloquent?
                         NO
Wise?
                         Beyond his years.

He knows the value of the men and women, of our country, of our legacy and respects it. If you were old enough to recall where you were and the moments after, you should recall that he drew us together as a nation and reminded us of our American PRIDE!!!! Where is that today, Mr. President?

I have read so many commentaries and responses from the people of America. Some do not understand, he didn't have any more control over the outcome and happenings than you and I do. I am frustrated with the ignorance of Americans. We have had our lives handed to us on silver platters compared to many across the world. Yes, I have been destitute and miserable, hungry and afraid...BUT, none of that could compare to what so many face around the world. The war, it was written ages ago. It was written by God. We, as Americans, can not stop this war. Go back and read the history of Islam and Israel.

The president is a 'puppet' for the Senate and Congress. They are the powers at be. What is funny... we decide who they are and what really happens, but as Americans we are so self oriented that we are too busy to take a serious look at who we are putting into office, in control of our futures. When I was working a local campaign, I stopped counting how many people said, "Oh, I don't pay attention to local government. It doesn't matter, it doesn't really make a difference. It's just popularity." This is a lie like none other. It's like having a child who won't listen that if they don't wear protective gear when they ride their skate boards, they are going to continue to skin their knees and get hurt.

I want to scream and shake the American people...

                                                          PEOPLE, WAKE-UP!!!
Stop complaining about how bad you have it. Get off your duff and do the research on who you are putting into office locally. They influence the ladder to the president. Even if you don't agree with my opinions... at least do research and make sure the people you are putting into office at least represent your ideals and your beliefs.
We are so blessed, amazingly blessed to be Americans. To have been given choices... why are we giving them away to people who have no idea what to do with them other than to take them away from us.

America...
                               Do we only recall our heritage on special days that we are called to remember, such as
                       December 7th
                                                    July 4th
                                                                                  Veterans Day
God help us... September 11th?

Each time elections approach I honestly get frustrated and angry at the laziness and self absorbency of our nation.

If you were BLESSED to be born here or even more BLESSED to come to this country then,
EMBRACE your freedoms and take that choice that you've been given and USE IT WISELY...

This Roller Coaster Ride called Obedience…

Throughout the Bible we hear about and are challenged with obedience. We grow-up hearing how we need to obey our parents and I have spent years telling my children, “If you aren’t able to listen, hear with your heart and obey me standing here in front of you, how will be able to listen, hear and obey, follow God?” 

I wish I understood that statement better then because this is hard for me as an adult …

Our pastor has been doing a sermon series out of Luke on Playing Games with God. When we don’t like what we hear from God, we do the same thing with Him that we do with everyone else in the world. We turn it around, barter or change the subject. You know you’ve done it! What if you were hearing God call you to be like be like Noah and do something that everyone around you literally looked at you like you were crazy or said, “Are you serious?” What if you took that situation and began to tell God, “So God, I will do this because I just know that this is just going to be another Abraham and Isaac thing, right? Because you just want to see if I will put you first…right?” What would happen if you then found out that wasn’t the case at all, but He was truly calling you to do this thing? To truly make a sacrifice, lay a life of a loved one on the altar, at His feet, and trust Him with them? What would you do if He was truly calling you to follow Him in an eccentric way?

In Matthew 4:19, Jesus says, “Follow me and I will make you Fisher’s of Men.” He was talking to Peter and Andrew. How did God use Andrew… How did he use Peter? (2 Peter 1)

Charles Spurgeon wrote on this in a paper. He said, “When Christ calls us by His grace we ought not only to remember what we are, but we ought also to think of what he can make us."

Do you not follow because you feel like Moses who stuttered and told God as much? What about David who was too small for his armor? Or John Mark who was rejected by Paul or Hosea who’s wife was a prostitute, or Amos’ only training was in the school of fig tree pruning, Solomon was too rich, Abraham who was too old, David who was too young, Peter who was afraid of death, Lazarus WAS dead, John was self-righteous, Naomi the widow, Paul who was a murderer as was Moses, Jonah ran from God, Miriam was a gossip, Gideon and Thomas both doubted, Jeremiah was depressed and suicidal, Elijah was burned out, Martha was a worrywart, Mary was lazy, Samson had short hair, Noah got drunk, Oh and MOSES…he had a short fuse, but then so did Peter and Paul! Have you used any of the excuses? Have you said, “Oh God you can’t possibly use me! Look at what I have done, who I was. Yes, I have always known you were calling me to a higher standard, but I didn’t want to listen and I made so many mistakes. You can’t possibly use me now.”
He made apostles, disciples, out of fisherman! You know those men who throw out their nets from the side of the boat? They were the ones that ‘were the founders of the churches out of peasants of Galilee’ Charles Spurgeon… these are the men & women who began the work in you! If He could do that with them, what can he do with you? How can He change the world with you? When we call on God’s grace, He can make music from someone who is tone deaf…if you will just trust and obey.  When He calls…will you hear Him? Will you respond? Will you Obey or will you barter or change the subject?

In John 21:1-17- Jesus was speaking with Simon, Peter, Thomas, Nathanael, sons of Zebedee, & 2 other disciples. Jesus gave them instructions…do something different. When they obeyed his directions they were overwhelmed by the blessings. Jesus asked Peter, “do you love me more than these?...Then Feed my lambs, take care of my sheep, feed my sheep.”  He asked 3x’s, “Peter, do you love me?” Peter was so sad that He asked that many times. Jesus called him to follow him. Jesus called him to not worry about what others are to do in vs 22. So what is stopping you from following Him when He calls?

In Numbers 11- This chapter is talking about the Manna. When J was 2, he and I were in BSF (Bible Study Fellowship International) together. We were studying Moses. One day we were in the car driving and he piped up with his precious little 2 yr old voice and said, “Momma? The people didn’t get it… the manna was God’s promise to them. He promised to give them what they needed. Why couldn’t they see that?” Blew me away. So in this chapter the Israelites are blinded to what He is providing and grumbling. Due to their dissatisfaction of what God had provided, they began to kill quail and serve that. In verse 33-34, God shows his anger with their disobedience and He struck them with a severe plague.

In Matthew 5:1-12 Jesus is giving the Sermon on the Mount. His apostles were gathered around. He is talking about who God blesses… the poor that find their needs met in God, those who mourn, the humble, those who hunger and thirst for justice, the merciful, those who hearts are pure, those who work for peace, those persecuted for doing right, those mocked, persecuted and lied about. Your reward is in Heaven. In verses 13-16, He is asking his apostles (you & me) to be salt of the earth… He is calling us to go out and leave people thirsting for more of Him so they will seek Him.

In Matthew 6:10- Jesus is begging His Father for His Will to be done on earth. He is asking God to HELP His people. He is talking to us… will we obey?

We are called to OBEY! When we listen and obey, His plan is fulfilled…  It’s easy to obey when we are called to pray for someone we care about, do something that will bless someone we like…what about when we are called to pray for someone we really have a hard time with or to do something for someone that tries our patience or calls us to step out of our comfort zone?

Do you say, “God use me” but, only when it’s comfortable for me? In Luke 21, Jesus talks about the widow’s mite… Give sacrificially…usually that’s tithing in our minds. What if the sacrifice is a stepping out of our comfort zone for the Glory of God?

Ok so all of this came because as I stated before… sometimes, Obedience is like a large pill that’s hard to swallow. I am standing on God’s promises that He will shower us and our children for generation with blessings for our obedience. (Deut 28:1-14)

We ARE in the business of breaking familial curses! (Deut 28:15-68) Watch-out here we come! J

Remember when I asked you earlier about a little talk you have had with God over the whole past mistakes? Think back to that time…you know when you were in the middle of making bad choices, choosing to not choose His way, but your own… Can you see it? Look back at the people that were in your life then. Ok, here is an example…

TRANSPARENCY ALERT… STOP READING NOW IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW THE DETAILS!!!  

About a year and half ago, I remember thinking, “I am worthless. God you can’t even use me. It was right after(literally) I met my best girl friend (precious woman). She and I were in the process of growing really close.  When our paths met, I was kinda hanging out with a guy friend that was good friends with them. I had broken up with my on and off again boyfriend about 5 months earlier, but still talking to him here and there. The night she and I met, I knew that I was meeting up with him to convince him that I was done…I KNOW, I know! HUGE, I mean HUGE mistake on my part. Yes, as you are probably rolling your eyes because you even see it coming… he asked me for one more chance and by the end of the evening I said ok.  As soon as I said it, I felt sick to my stomach. I was so frustrated with myself. I didn’t talk to anyone for a while, but I knew I needed to talk to this new friend. CRAZY, but she still wanted to be my friend. She stood beside me as she watched my heart break over and over again. She was there to walk me down the aisle of church for prayer from Pastor Arnita on Mother’s Day. She was there the many “fights” that came through the next year and half. The funny part is, I kept telling God you can’t use me…look at how much of a mess I am. Do you know that I prayed with her, over her, for her and her sweet husband and children. I was there for their children’s big events to love on them so they knew how special I was. I was on the other end of the phone telling her the enemy was at work and to get on her knees when there was a tension in the home, someone was encouraging lack of self worth thoughts, etc. I backed them as parents by correcting their children and encouraging their children to show love to each other first as a blending family. Today, their family is miles ahead of where they were. Ok, FIRST, did I do this? PLEASE, hear me CLEARLY… IN NO WAY DID I DO ANYTHING. This was not me. Remember that I already told you that I was very clear that God was not able to use me. I had already informed Him of this. I was simply telling you, that God used EVEN me. I didn’t realize this until earlier this year. This past November, God brought me to my knees and said, “Wendi, if you will follow me. Do not turn back…keep walking toward me. I have so much, beyond your dreams, for you THIS YEAR. Follow me.” Then, almost as though He was showing off... He showed me all he has used me for. If God could use me divorced, single mother of 3 children, who wasn’t lovable enough to make her marriage work nor any other relationship… He CAN USE YOU…  

The Roller Coaster of a Walk with God...

Well, so much has happened since my last post! He asked and I said yes, we've been married two months today. We now have a complete family of 8. This life is like walking out your best dream. I am finally in that blissful romance with an amazing man who loves me like Christ loves the church, in a sacrificial way. We are watching God call us down a path that is clear which steps to take.

So this morning, as I walked out of the house to take the elementary route to school and it was, brace yourself, sprinkling! We were astonished! My flowers are loving it! Just look...

Side note: If you notice the flowers one the left vs the ones on the right. The ones on the left were planted by David and the ones on the right were planted by me... I could not understand WHY MINE WEREN'T GROWING THE SAME AS HIS. After several jabs about how much tender-love-n-care he gave them vs me, it dawned on him weeks later that he had done an experiment months ago on the soil with Miracle Grow. Needless to say, I went and got some Miracle Grow for mine too! ;)

Ok, back  to the walk! :)

Once I took the girls and J, I didn't know what to do with myself. I've been a little unsettled and not really sure how to settle it. God has called us to take a step of faith, trust Him, Obey Him... as a child, I always wanted to please my parents and even now, I want to please my Father, but sometimes when He calls me to do something (even when He is very clear) I want to sit in the floor and say, "It's not fair, I don't want to." As soon as I received confirmation that there was no doubt we were supposed to say "yes", I did because I knew if I waited the human side of me would come back and say, "Wait, I was just kidding." I have felt bad about crying and saying "but, God" through the last couple of weeks. I felt like that was a sign of weakness, distrust that God knows what's best or maybe even a sign that I wasn't a good Christian because, it is so hard to take this step.

When I got back to the house from the rounds, I texted my DH and said, "Going for a long walk with God, not sure where I'm going, how long I'll be. I'll have my phone, but hoping not to use it." He texted back, "I love you, Wendi and I'm praying for you." He has watched me struggle and seen/felt the tears and seen the doubt. As I was preparing for this walk I put on my faithful 11 yr old tennis shoes, running shorts and tank top. The verse "Better is one day in Your courts, than thousands else where" came to mind and I began to sing the song, almost as though I was trying to remind myself.

Shoes on...  started walking, putting on my favorite station on Pandora and ear buds in and just walked. I didn't really notice a lot as I started. The first thing I noticed as I was walking was, out of the songs I had heard on my favorite Praise and Worship station, I had only recognized one song as of yet that was encouraging from God's perspective... We need to praise God, we need to talk to Him like we talk to our best friend, but a conversation is a 2-way street. It calls us to listen as much if not more than we talk. It is easy for me to get lost in the songs where I am praising God for what He has done for me. It is easy for me to talk to Him, but this walk was about me listening instead of talking...

It was what I needed to hear and began fighting the tears. (In a house full of 8 people, you would definitely think I would not feel alone.) The lyrics are amazing and truly spoke to what only He could hear my heart saying. "Lord, I know I won't be alone, defeated, or the same. Your voice calls me...that's why I'm on this walk with you. I can't focus on you when I look around and see all that needs to be done. Thank you for calling me out to walk with you. Thank you for loving me when I was not lovable, for drawing me to this precious man and the children you have given us. This step you have called us to is a little overwhelming at moments.  Thank you that YOU are calling me to your side and that I am not alone." As I was typing this, the tears began to flow again. This song and the words carried me through the next half a mile or so, while I processed that He was there to wipe away the fear of the unknown. I began to contemplate why can't I just see that everything is going to be ok?
A few minutes later as I rounded a corner from a protected, short side street (that didn't really tell me how far I had gone, even though my legs were burning). I saw our church at the top of a small hill. As I went further, in front of me was the main street that drives through our town (VERY busy street by the way), just across the busy street, big as day was what I had seen before, our church, to the left further away from home, but to the right was the sidewalk that would take me along that busy street back to the house. I heard Him say, take a right daughter. This street, it has an amazing hill that when we are driving the girls giggle because, it makes their tummy flip you know like on a roller coaster. It is fun in the car but when you are looking at it on foot... well it's a little over whelming.

As I took that right, I began to not focus on the hill, but on the music that was playing in my ears...ok, maybe my lips were moving too! I began to concentrate on cars passing by and making sure I wasn't close to them and each step. I heard, "Wendi, if I showed you the full path ahead of you all the hills and valleys, cracks in the sidewalks and the pot holes in the roads, you would get so overwhelmed you would forget that I am incontrol and have a plan." The steps quickly took me to a side street right before our town square that took me to the back street I had been on before. (Mind you, I'm new to this town and haven't really taken the time to drive around to acquaint myself.)  As I walked and got onto a back, back road I began to sing out loud. As the music played I couldn't help myself.

I got caught up in the words... when "I see the King of Glory, the whole world shakes. .. The people sing, the people sing. Hosanna, Hosanna! Hosanna in the highest." I could not stop singing it! All of a sudden, I looked up and saw where I was... a lot closer to home and a beautiful view...

I love the covering of mature trees, the ones that drape over a drive. It was comforting to me. As I continued to sing as I walked back to the house, I didn't care that people were staring, I had received understanding...not all the answers, just understanding.

Several more songs played, but one that I loved was...

 

So, today I hear you Lord. I know you are the light on path and the strength to walk it and I praise you. Thank you for choosing to spend time with me, Lord! Thanks for talking a walk with me.

Ever feel like YOU are the target at the shooting range ...

Do you ever feel like you are being held up by pins as target practice or hunted like a wild boar? The last few weeks I have felt like this. I know the enemy's attacks can feel like machine guns spraying bullets at you or a violent wave crashing over you, leaving you feeling overwhelmed, beaten up and abandoned... EVEN THEN... you are not alone... I am not alone.

FIGHTING to remember this today.

I need you Lord, right here... right now.

PURE Love... Love Song For A Savior

I love falling deeper in love with you, my FIRST love! Each time I delve into your book, the one you wrote for me, I fall deeper in love with you. Oh how precious is your love.


... and you, my gift from God. Sweet, Precious man of God, you bless me each day with the tender words and the way you lift me up. You honor me in the way you love on my precious children in both tender words and loving correction. I am blessed to love you!

Pure Love... Through the battlefield

Everyone has a battle they face, we as Christians know the source of our battle... we know who the enemy is. The Bible is full of wisdom for us, given from God. Wisdom is referenced 222 times in the Bible and 46 of those references are in Proverbs alone. Wouldn't that lead you to believe that we may need some wisdom from God?
Ok so, LET'S GET REAL... Do you ever feel like you are out of a battlefield with arrows or bullets flying at you? As I type this, I close my eyes and feel as though I am out on a large green meadow, all alone, with what feels like skimpy armor, feeling the every arrow or bullet ... Every time an arrow hits, I jerk in reaction so that from afar it looks almost like the most ridiculous, awkward dance... Can you see it?  Or better yet... can you relate? 

This morning, like 5 mins ago, my precious David said, "Honey, I miss you singing... why aren't you singing?" When he refers to me singing... well I sing. I am passionate about singing. I am passionate about singing praises to God... my friends could attest that I am constantly humming or singing. It has been known to drive people crazy. Yes, I received A LOT direction growing-up for singing at in appropriate times i.e. the dinner table, during funerals or weddings, church services during sermons... singing expresses my heart. So yes, when I am quiet... it is noticeable. We are still getting to know the details of each other and I told him earlier this week, in reference to the kids, you know it's bad when I get really quiet. Well... I've been really quiet the past two weeks... I have been under attack. Serious attack. Everyone responds differently, but when things become overwhelming... I get quiet. Tearfully I say, "I AM READY TO BE SINGING AGAIN!" Apparently, so is my precious David.

The Bible mentions Armor 36 times. It is so important to be equipped as we are going into battle... realistically you NEED armor. As Christians, our armor is very vividly laid out on before us.

Ephesians 6:10-20 says...
¹⁰ Finally, let the Lord make you strong. Depend on his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on all of God's armor. Then you can stand firm against the devil's evil plans. ¹² Our fight is not against human beings. It is against the rulers, the authorities and the powers of this dark world. It is against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly world.
¹³ So put on all of God's armor. Evil days will come. But you will be able to stand up to anything. And after you have done everything you can, you will still be standing.
¹⁴ So stand firm. Put the belt of truth around your waist. Put the armor of godliness on your chest. ¹⁵ Wear on your feet what will prepare you to tell the good news of peace. ¹⁶ Also, pick up the shield of faith. With it you can put out all of the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Put on the helmet of salvation. And take the sword of the Holy Spirit. The sword is God's word.
¹⁸ At all times, pray by the power of the Spirit. Pray all kinds of prayers. Be watchful, so that you can pray. Always keep on praying for all of God's people.
¹⁹ Pray also for me. Pray that when I open my mouth, the right words will be given to me. Then I can be bold as I tell the mystery of the good news. ²⁰ Because of the good news, I am being held by chains as the Lord's messenger. So pray that I will be bold as I preach the good news. That's what I should do.

Our God is so amazing that he has poured into us what we can do to make this walk easier. It is guaranteed that we will come up against the enemy. Allow me to remind you of what David reminded me of Wednesday night as I cried to him after watching my precious middle daughter melt down... "The enemy will not attack when you aren't a threat to him and his plan. Be encouraged that you are on the right road, following God's path." Welcome to God's path... REJOICE!!!

Change



For me this usually means I am making changes in my life... Change is a process, change is hard, change can be overwhelming and sometimes it is so overwhelming that some of us may resist it and choose to stay where we are than to FIGHT through the change to a freedom you can not imagine. How do you resist change? Do you stay in situations that are painful because you are afraid of the unknown? Do you fear that what God has for you isn't as good as what you are in or is it that you don't feel like you deserve what God has for you because of the mistakes or choices you have made in the past? (I just heard some toes crunching... sorry, friends!) Ok, TRANSPARENCY WARNING... I felt the latter of the two. Yes, I struggle with moving forward in life because, I still struggle with all of the mistakes of the past. What is that? That is me not forgiving myself. I know that I have gone to God and He, the father of the child that all of my choices were put on, has forgiven me... so, who am I not to forgive me???? GRRRRR, WENDI!!!
choice of life or death. You can choose either blessings or curses. But I want you to choose life. Then you and your children will live. And you will love the Lord your God. You will obey him. You will remain true to him. The Lord is your very life. He will give you many years in the land. He took an oath. He promised to give that land to your fathers. He promised it to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob." Listen to our Father, pleading with us to choose life, to choose Him. This may be new to you. He does that through out the Word. In Luke 15:11-32, there is vivid picture of Him holding his arms out, waiting for you to run to Him... no grudges held, no accounts being tallied....

RUN TO HIM...

my FIRST love... I am running to you, falling into your arms and resting while the changes take place. I know these days are by your design and I am happy to walk them out and into the plan you have for me and these precious children you have blessed us with. What an amazing day!

Let the singing commence... Oh how I have missed you!

I have been found... on Holy Ground!

... I didn't find him, but HE HAD FOUND ME...

This journey coming to this point in my life has been pathed in struggles, pain, sorrow, some joy, but wow the pain is definitely a theme. Walking in the desert brought the children of Israel in full circle many times over the 40 years because, of their disobedience and not have their focus on God.  Why is it so easy to fall back into the known when things aren't vivid? BUT EVEN THEN, when He has overcome with confirmation after confirmation of you being right where He wants you... Do you buy into the doubt and fear of the one who is against us and everything Holy?

In 1982, Survivor came out with one of the all time great and most well known songs of our generation. Anytime you think of Rocky Balboa, you think of this song... If you read the lyrics (http://www.lyrics007.com/Survivor%20Lyrics/Eye%20Of%20The%20Tiger%20Lyrics.html)... They say, "Risin' up to the challenge of our rival, And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night And he's watchin' us all in the eye of the tiger." As I type this, I am listening to this song and playing it over and over again... BECAUSE, the scripture says in John 10:10 that "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come so they can have life. I want them to have it in the fullest possible way." I read an article where the writer is struggling with why he is referred to as a "Thief". The definition of a thief is one who takes what isn't his... So this early morning, God has woken me after only 2 and half hours of sleep to remind me, once again confirm in me, that He is on His throne... He has ordained this day and the path that we are walking... SO PLAY IT LOUD AND PLAY IT PROUD... THIS TIGER IS IN THE FIGHT, a fight for her new family.

Let the story continue, I HAVE been found... at the conference, the reoccurring theme or mantra for me was... Fear are not of Me, but of the thief. I am of new seasons, "Do not fear, for the Lord your God is with you." This phrase or something similar is spoken to great men and women through out the Bible. He uses people who say, "You can not use me... don't you know who I am?" So today, once again in the early morning hours, I find myself being reminded... we are walking in uncharted territory for us, but this battle has already been won. We are just walking it out. So the season continues...

I HAVE BEEN FOUND...
The thing that keeps coming back to me about David is that I didn't find him... I wasn't looking for him. God said, "I am faithful" on March 21, 2011 after a prayer asking Him to make my path known and to lead me... then door was opened through a source from Him... a radio disc jockey... SERIOUSLY. Mr. Reed said, "I just posted a link of a new video on FB." I was driving to work when I heard this and yes I clicked the button on my phone to see if it was there and the first thing on my page was showing that 2 other disc jockey's from this same Christian radio station were now friends with... yes, David. The site of his name took my breath away and I haven't had it back yet. The next 3 weeks have been a blur of this feeling of KNOWING with out a shadow of a doubt. Crazy things... we both have 3 children... He has 2 boys and 1 girl, I have 2 girls and 1 boy. I can not understand or explain how children that I did not birth belong to my heart like these 3 precious gifts do. These kids are amazing, just like mine! There is no separation in my heart, must be of God. So we are moving forward. There are so many struggles that we will face. We know this. We also acknowledge that this will be the fight of our life... it's already begun.

The question of, "what if this isn't best for the kids" came up last night. My heart hurt so bad when the question passed from my heart and across my lips. I sobbed as I said it. Let me just tell you... that question is normal, but definitely not confirmed by God... just yesterday, God confirmed we were on the right path 4 times at least. But at the end of the day, after struggles with the kids and hearing one of the precious boys in our lives sob to David that he was overwhelmed, My heart broke and I spoke the words. Immediately there was hurt and pain in the question (BIG sign that it is not truth). We discussed where our hearts were and how they had come to this place. This road was not of us... we weren't looking for it nor were we looking for each other. I would not have given my heart away to any human at this point, IN FACT, I had given it to God... He placed it in David's hand. I was resisting dating, everyone I had talked to there was just something not right. It happened out of the blue. There was a wonderful guy I had been talking to, a good Christian man... but something just wasn't gelling in my heart with him. I just wasn't comfortable. I had cried to a girlfriend, maybe I am not meant to be with anyone... but I continued to talk to the guy and pray. Then that great morning came and I have not heard that voice saying no since.

So today, I stand FIRMLY and FIGHT for our families that are being united in HIS Pure Love... I am the EYE of the TIGER... I am the Momma tiger who is fighting for the lives of her children, the children of my body and the children of my heart... BACK OFF!!! They are HIS CHILDREN and we will stand in the gap for them and our family... David sent me a song last night that spoke volumes to my heart...

The answer...
It was in the moments written by God, it was in the way you lead me, the way you stand for us, the way you look at me, the way you cherish me, the way you look at my children with such love and joy, the way you pray with and over us, in the way everything about us directs me back to God.
Yes, David, sweet man... I am in love with you! You are my gift from God.

Welcome to our journey of PURE LOVE...

Unfathomable Love... Connecting the pieces of our path together to make it whole

Our Church hosts a yearly women's conference called Pink... WOW!!!
Tonight when I got home, after paying the babysitter and sending her on her way, my son came out to first debunk the Tooth Fairy, as he handed me his first molar lost and with the other hand requested his money, and then he asked, "Where have you been?" I explained that I had been at a woman's conference and then searched for a better way to explain it... THIS IS MORE THAN A CONFERENCE... what can he relate too? J, it is like going to camp, only it is designed for women of all ages and stages of life. Yes, you walk away every night feeling like you are walking on the cloud...

Ok, so tonight was huge for me... this may take several blogs to get it all in. First, I have to go back to the fact that the man of my dreams and I dated 16 years ago and as we have been discussing, why did we stop dating???? The only thing we can come up with is that I left to go and work for Disney World. When I came back, he had met his ex-wife and I was not in the same place. I then met my ex husband, each of us had three kids (yes they are all the same ages, well the oldest are a year and half apart, but then we have 2 - 10 years and 2 - 7 year olds.) Which brings us to today. We both then started dating people that God definitely did not design for us and His will. Although both roads have their story, I will only tell mine.

PAST: I can only tell you that this road was pathed with pain and sorrow, words of condemnation as well as lies from the enemy. These relationships left me broken, huddled in a ball crying out for God to save me. I had been crying out to God, "When will I be enough", "When will I be worth time and the trials", "When will I be important", "Lord, I want to be an object of LOVE, not LUST"... Through out my marriage I felt like I was constantly begging him to love me, cherish me, think I'm special. I never felt that... this wasn't his fault. This need started with my biological father leaving when I was 6 mths old and then in 6th grade finding out that he had 2 other children whose lives he chose to be apart of... leaving me feeling like it was me, I wasn't good enough. In the years following, I looked for acceptance in boys and then men. I thought that if I could just get married and have kids, I would find that acceptance and love. They would have to love me, want me. NOT true. 2 kids into the marriage I had a counselor tell me, your husband in psychologically abusing you. She tried to explain what she saw to him and I will NEVER forget that night... By the time 2007 came around, I was pleading with God to take me in a car accident, of course when the kids were not in the car. . I filed and the divorce was final in November of 2008. Ok, so here comes the transparency and disclaimer...
WHAT I AM ABOUT TO TELL YOU IS NOT HOW GOD DESIGNED YOU TO WALK THIS OUT.
I reconnected with a guy in August of 2008 and we dated on and off through November of 2o1o. The first three months were fantastic. We each have our stories, but what I can tell you is that beginning of November 1, 2010 was a horrible night for me... we were going to the World Series (by the way, I am a HUGE baseball fan... not just a baseball fan, but specifically a RANGERS fan). Scripture says to guard your words or tongue because, they are your sharpest tool... they can cut like a sword. THIS IS VERY TRUE. The words used against me by the enemy came from a man who, I believe today, would never use against me in normal circumstances. Truth is, the words left me huddled up in the fetal position under a tree pleading for God to save me. I felt abandoned, lost, broken and ashamed... all I wanted was God to come and pick me up at that very moment and hold me. Now I stood before God with a broken marriage, a broken family, a broken relationship and a broken heart... In the midst of this happening, I had two men cross my path that were potentials... Both Godly men, one there was an aspect that left me feeling like an object of lust and not love and the other, something just did not feel right... I walked away. This brings me to today...

PRESENT:
I had not been back to Disney since leaving December 15th, 1995. So last year when my Mother said that they would be paying the kids way to Disney and all I had to do was pay my way there... over that year I lost my job and my ex husband quit his, my car broke down, and it seemed like there was no way. I filed my taxes, let me tell you... do not make a plan for money. God has a different plan. I was going home... not home like Ranger, where all my family was, but home to the place I first made it on my own... and I was taking my babies. We had the GREATEST time. I was trying to keep up with work while I was gone, but I began to notice something weird was going on around Tuesday of our vacation. When I realized that they were saying they hired someone, I called that night asking for confirmation. I was told that I was not being replaced as far as they knew. I came back and finished the weekend in a quiet, relaxing way. Saturday as I was cleaning, I found some paperwork of a previous client and insisted on returning it because it held ALL of their private information. I took it to him and while there it opened a conversation about his company. We decided that we could talk about me contributing, I let it go because, I had a job. Monday as I am driving to work, I get a very anxious feeling. I begin to pray, "God, you know my tomorrow. You know my path. Please pour your peace over me as I face today." In response, I hear him say... "I am faithful." (This is where it gets good!) Literally, seconds later the former client texted me saying he wanted to meet about an opportunity. A minute later, I hear to check out a link on fb, which I still can not find to today, but it led me to look at FB as I was driving to work and had me to see that two of my friends were friends with a guy and his name was... SO FAMILIAR, I lost my breath. I was driving a major highway, and I truthfully can say I can not recall how I got to work. I sat in the parking lot and sent him the following message...

 

"I apologize if I have the wrong person... I knew a (insert name) in the early 90's. We met in the midcities area at Joshua's Christian Bookstore. He has been on my heart and when your name crossed my page, I smiled and thought, "no way!" If not, the I hope you have an amazing day!"

I proceeded to go into work and was laid off... sat at my bosses office still in shock from the morning when this happened so I just was matter a fact about it. Late that evening I received this message in my FB inbox...

"Its me Wendi....wow...i was thinking of you yesterday..............call me (insert phone number)...i have to talk to you."

I sent him my number, because ladies... WE DO NOT CALL BOYS ON THE FIRST CALL. I was so excited I had found him... in reality, after tonight, I now get it...

(TO BE CONTINUED...)

What is love...

According to the world, Love's core meaning is a strong positive feeling toward somebody or something, love an intense feeling of positive emotion toward, or enjoyment of, a person or thing, especially strong romantic or sexual feelings between people.
 http://www.bing.com/Dictionary/search?q=define+love&qpvt=What+is+love&FORM=DTPDIA
According to God, Love is... 1 Corinthians 13
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20corinthians%2013&version=TNIV
 1 Corinthians 13

 ¹ If I speak in human or angelic tongues,^[a] but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
 ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
 ⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
 ¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

The world has distrorted God's view with all of the things of the here and now. The book of Song of Solomon describes a protective and wild anticipation of the shared love. We as humans have completely messed up love. Love is not the here and now but ever lasting. The book of John says that Love was in the beginning and was the beginning. His PURE love was poured out on the cross to show us how special, important we are to Him. With that picture, can you imagine the love He has for us? The one that would lay your child, your heart on a tree to be tortured and murder for someone else? As a parent, I can't imagine doing this. In Genesis 22, God gives a glimpse of what He is willing to do for us, but in this scripture passage He is reminding us that we are to LOVE HIM first, even above our children. It is intended for us to have that sacrificial love for our spouse or the one we seek to be our spouse. We should not give love away as though it were a boomarang. Don't throw your love out there to see if it comes back or received. KNOW His love and your will know true love and then you will be able to experience TRUE love here on earth as well. This practice of throwing your heart out there and begging someone to love you is a practice I understand all too well. It is a road pathed in pain and sorrow. One that is unsatisfying.

 

My roller coaster car is on the track to TRUE love in Him, but I am blessed to see it here on earth as well. To my first love, Thank you Dear Father God for Loving me so unselfishly and with a jealosy that would only draw me closer to you in that perfect love you designed for me. To the one that God handed my heart to, I promise you that I will Love HIM first so that I can truly love you.

 

I CHOOSE GOD'S DEFINITION... TODAY!

First comes love...

Love... the simplest 4 letter word that is so different than the other four letter words we can think of. This word is designed to bring you pure joy, make you feel adored, and leaving you walking on a cloud... well if it's done right!

My first love was supposed to be Jesus. I didn't learn that love until way down the road though. I first gave my "heart" to boys because I was feeling empty, then my first REAL love was my children. Yes, I did skip a step. I was married, but never really loved. I gave me away in hopes that this relationship would fill the gaping hole in my heart... not hearing someone whispering my name. Did I love my ex-husband? I cared for him. I cared for him as a "friend" would care for a friend or an aquaintance. I wanted the best for him, but I did not love him as I know the word to be today.

Man did I get things out of order. Growing up we are supposed to love God first and then love ourselves as God loves us... is this doctrinal, no. This is life experience showing that we can not love or be loved until we understand how to love and how we need to be loved. I did not fall in love with God until November of 2010. I have been a Christian since a little girl, but did not know the love of God until a heart breaking moment when I was left alone and broken. That very night I laid in my bed crying out to God to hold me. At that moment, I walked off of the cliff and into His hands... the ride has not been the same since.

I understand I will bobble and I will make mistakes, but I KNOW that I am loved beyond measure by a God who is FAITHFUL and true, who cares about the details of each day and dream I have. Nothing like this. 5 mths later, my life is changed. The joy is unending, even when things are tough. The peace is unbelievable. The blessings are unfathomable... Hold onto your seats!

With in 2 weeks the following things happened...
1. My parents took my three kids and I took Disney World
2. I was laid off, but God spoke over me he is faithful
3. Reconnected with a previous boyfriend from 16 years ago, the Godliest man, and we are falling deeper in love every day with each other and our God!
4. Was having coffee with an old school mate and within a week of meeting with him, we found out that his wife and I are cousins (FAMILY IS HUGE FOR ME)
5. Opportunities are abundant with work opportunities and opportunities to love on friends and encourage them.

So my challenge for you today...

Where is your first love?

Hang on... here we gooooooo