... I didn't find him, but HE HAD FOUND ME...
This journey coming to this point in my life has been pathed in struggles, pain, sorrow, some joy, but wow the pain is definitely a theme. Walking in the desert brought the children of Israel in full circle many times over the 40 years because, of their disobedience and not have their focus on God. Why is it so easy to fall back into the known when things aren't vivid? BUT EVEN THEN, when He has overcome with confirmation after confirmation of you being right where He wants you... Do you buy into the doubt and fear of the one who is against us and everything Holy?
In 1982, Survivor came out with one of the all time great and most well known songs of our generation. Anytime you think of Rocky Balboa, you think of this song... If you read the lyrics (http://www.lyrics007.com/Survivor%20Lyrics/Eye%20Of%20The%20Tiger%20Lyrics.html)... They say, "Risin' up to the challenge of our rival, And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night And he's watchin' us all in the eye of the tiger." As I type this, I am listening to this song and playing it over and over again... BECAUSE, the scripture says in John 10:10 that "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come so they can have life. I want them to have it in the fullest possible way." I read an article where the writer is struggling with why he is referred to as a "Thief". The definition of a thief is one who takes what isn't his... So this early morning, God has woken me after only 2 and half hours of sleep to remind me, once again confirm in me, that He is on His throne... He has ordained this day and the path that we are walking... SO PLAY IT LOUD AND PLAY IT PROUD... THIS TIGER IS IN THE FIGHT, a fight for her new family.
Let the story continue, I HAVE been found... at the conference, the reoccurring theme or mantra for me was... Fear are not of Me, but of the thief. I am of new seasons, "Do not fear, for the Lord your God is with you." This phrase or something similar is spoken to great men and women through out the Bible. He uses people who say, "You can not use me... don't you know who I am?" So today, once again in the early morning hours, I find myself being reminded... we are walking in uncharted territory for us, but this battle has already been won. We are just walking it out. So the season continues...
I HAVE BEEN FOUND...
The thing that keeps coming back to me about David is that I didn't find him... I wasn't looking for him. God said, "I am faithful" on March 21, 2011 after a prayer asking Him to make my path known and to lead me... then door was opened through a source from Him... a radio disc jockey... SERIOUSLY. Mr. Reed said, "I just posted a link of a new video on FB." I was driving to work when I heard this and yes I clicked the button on my phone to see if it was there and the first thing on my page was showing that 2 other disc jockey's from this same Christian radio station were now friends with... yes, David. The site of his name took my breath away and I haven't had it back yet. The next 3 weeks have been a blur of this feeling of KNOWING with out a shadow of a doubt. Crazy things... we both have 3 children... He has 2 boys and 1 girl, I have 2 girls and 1 boy. I can not understand or explain how children that I did not birth belong to my heart like these 3 precious gifts do. These kids are amazing, just like mine! There is no separation in my heart, must be of God. So we are moving forward. There are so many struggles that we will face. We know this. We also acknowledge that this will be the fight of our life... it's already begun.
The question of, "what if this isn't best for the kids" came up last night. My heart hurt so bad when the question passed from my heart and across my lips. I sobbed as I said it. Let me just tell you... that question is normal, but definitely not confirmed by God... just yesterday, God confirmed we were on the right path 4 times at least. But at the end of the day, after struggles with the kids and hearing one of the precious boys in our lives sob to David that he was overwhelmed, My heart broke and I spoke the words. Immediately there was hurt and pain in the question (BIG sign that it is not truth). We discussed where our hearts were and how they had come to this place. This road was not of us... we weren't looking for it nor were we looking for each other. I would not have given my heart away to any human at this point, IN FACT, I had given it to God... He placed it in David's hand. I was resisting dating, everyone I had talked to there was just something not right. It happened out of the blue. There was a wonderful guy I had been talking to, a good Christian man... but something just wasn't gelling in my heart with him. I just wasn't comfortable. I had cried to a girlfriend, maybe I am not meant to be with anyone... but I continued to talk to the guy and pray. Then that great morning came and I have not heard that voice saying no since.
So today, I stand FIRMLY and FIGHT for our families that are being united in HIS Pure Love... I am the EYE of the TIGER... I am the Momma tiger who is fighting for the lives of her children, the children of my body and the children of my heart... BACK OFF!!! They are HIS CHILDREN and we will stand in the gap for them and our family... David sent me a song last night that spoke volumes to my heart...
The answer...
It was in the moments written by God, it was in the way you lead me, the way you stand for us, the way you look at me, the way you cherish me, the way you look at my children with such love and joy, the way you pray with and over us, in the way everything about us directs me back to God.
Yes, David, sweet man... I am in love with you! You are my gift from God.
Welcome to our journey of PURE LOVE...
No comments:
Post a Comment